Egg Insertion Virgin: Part One

Methodology.Gynecology.Biology.

I have a friend who is writing young adult fiction - a novel -about a coming-of-age girl with magical powers - powers she must come to terms with

(my friend coming to terms with her craft and intent as well as the girl coming to terms with whatever power my friend's intent crafts for her).

Since what she wants to craft is other-worldly, I give my friend esoterically-informed advice.

I advise her on what to read about the archetype of the virgin from symbolic geometry, and the vesica pisces which is the womb of creation.

I expound upon how seVen is the number of the virgin because no number can go into it evenly. I pontificate on how

(prior to the head-oriented, male-pole-dominated patriarchal eras came to be),

the goddess was the revered and worshiped deity in mythology.

Things one reads can reside in the head as just-talked-about notions: fanciful words thrown around with nothing grounded under them.

I believe in embodying what it is one wishes to write about, and esoteric wisdom is bound for embodiment because you explore and discover the hidden wisdom from within.

If you wish to write about magic, work on your wizardry (NOT Harry Potter wand-waving wizardry). Wizards spin, so visualize the story spinning out from the depths of you.

If you want to write about a virgin, do as Cate Blanchett did in Elizabeth, who with her attendants weeping while cutting off her hair, declared with that inimitable throat, "I have become a virgin."

That's Embodiment!

Or if you can't go to that extreme, find a way to open your perineum (the feminine pole) - lackluster pedestrian term: pelvic floor.

My teacher actually advised the women in class a few weeks ago that if they really want to open that power place, that launching pad, that springboard of creativity, the perinuem,

(I believe I received the quality of bold, intrepid giving of advice from her)

to stick an egg

(preferably hard boiled,)

"up there".

Now me, being the only body in class sans a vagina,

but also knowing undoubtedly of having attained possession of the most enthusiastic and provocative understanding of and most facility with my own feminine pole

was the only one to ask,

(through all the girlish giggling from forty-something year olds),

"Should it be shelled?"

"Why are you asking?" I heard from behind me.

I kept all attention on my teacher

(not even acknowledging the heckler),

because my teacher is an absolute master at conveying esoteric tenets and I trust her implicitly.

I don't care that I don't have an actual vajayjay, and no

(don't go there!)

it wasn't that I was thinking of actually participating in this particular perineum project......

I have a keen imagination,know the power of intention preceeds and is well beyond insertion and

I revere the goddess force,


Next Body Mythology weblog:

Re-laying egg insertion information to an aspiring author on Independence Day

PDA: Potentially Divisive Accoutrement

Technology.Psychology.Neurology.

Disclaimer: This is only a dramatization

Dear Verizon,

I don't know who is responsible for this failing,
but my new Blackberry Curve Smart Phone Spell Check
does not recognize the term "blog."

Come!..... On!!







I absolutely adore my new Blackberry Curve Smart Phone
(although that's a dumb name, I am embellishing on it
only to qualify the complaint I am submitting -



I would prefer the more imaginatively-freeing
esoterically-enhancing

Blackberry
Arc or Arch or Archetype

head-over-heels over the lowly-pedestrian
somewhat-feminine-sounding...

Curve ( : - ")

I still do adore it.... ( : - ))

so much so that though (even before having a PDA of my own) -

whisper: ( : - *)

I had heard people use the derogatory terms Crack and Barf
before berry to describe potentially insidious elements of
addictive or abusive or illin' effects of usage of such device,

I was so smitten with my easily- misunderstood yummynummy
that almost immediately I began to refer to it and started telling
my other friends about my new "BFF" Blackberry.

I even went so far as to make playful remarks about being in bed
"fingering" my BFF early in the morning in a comment composed
to respond to a "blog" of a friend of mine.

So, here's the horror: I press submit and

the spell check stops on "blog"

and in the little lavender (perfect pastel touch)
pop-up square gives these options:

bloc blot blow log.... clog bog blob and slog....

I guess the "smart" part only refers to the phone part
of what should be an across-the-key-board intelligent device.

A more appropriate consumer trial marketing study
might have included Blackberry "Learning Curve" Smart Phone
as a potential label.

Uhhhhhhh!

Eight options of what-I-consider-slasher-flick terminology
to imply the correct spelling of what is an element
of something now considered

so wide-ranging, deeply-ingrained and all-encompassing
as to be paired with the antecedent "sphere" as in,

"the blogosphere" ? ( : - ()

Are your spell-check software supervisors on crack?

What if I am blogging
(spell check doesn't recognize the action verb form of the term
ei--ther....) hurriedly,

and I am so immersed in the stream
that when I perform the spell check,
my adoring fingering encounters a lapse of brief carelessness,

and I end up saying to someone in the sphere,

"I loved your blot about your mother's mishap ." ???????

Or even worse...... log? ( : - +)

"I was really moved by your log in which you conjured early adolescence so specifically."

My once facile, feeling fingers become numb thumbs.

Now I absolutely adore that you name a PDA after a succulent
(and not so generic) fruit, that there is a
not-that-obvious sexual innuendo
(as in allusions to "the darker the berry"....),

but please put some more dollars towards systems anal-ysis
and update your spell check with terms that have been
in uber-ly wide usage for like a decade?

I just bet when I press send, "uber"
is going to be bathed in lavender.....

Pop up on this! : numbskulls

Oooooouch! That smarts! ( : - #)

Something called a blackberry should be nourishing in all aspects

Using that phrase as a new tag line will require remuneration.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
(only to www.bodymythology.blogspot.com
and a few choice friends)

Malls are Walkways of Perversity

Besides the bigger benefit of not having to drive,
I am so grateful that I live in a city

(actually, when I say "a city" I am really referring to "the city" meaning Manhattan,
which when said or written that way, excludes all other, as they are termed, "outer" boroughs, -

besides excluding in many instances many of the other cities in the rest of the world -
which have many of these aforementioned walkways)


in which there is really only one mall.


It is called Manhattan Mall (of course),
and it is only a few blocks from where I work, near (as I like to think of it)
the eponymously (for me) named Herald Square.

So I could frequent it, but I went to the food court once
and had a bad bowl of noodles with hideous strips of meat and salty tepid broth,
and although at the time I was angered, that one disgusting

drop-five-dollars-to-slop-a-more-than-three-quarters-full-stryofoam-noodle-bowl-
in-a-plastic-lined-metal-garbage-can- experience

saved me.

I suppose also because I worked in several malls in Phoenix and in Los Angeles
for so many years, I have little desire to risk recreating or even inadvertently
encouraging any misguided or undirected loneliness-induced behavioral tendencies

because the adverse psychological effect of going back in an environment
that brings up my late teens outweighs any latent manipulative marketing
through psychological product programming that's there.

After surmising a story a friend of mine wrote on her blog about having gone to a mall
in Los Angeles and being drawn (as she claims by the devil) into a Cinnabon,

I do wonder now though (dough!) if there is a Cinnabon in Manhattan Mall.
I know there is a Mrs. Field's connected to some brand of soft pretzels.

Oh, spending dough on dough. (Dough!)
And icing. She said it had cream cheese icing.
I never heard of cream cheese icing.
Frosting, yes. Cream cheese frosting, like on carrot cake.

I thought icing was water, confectioner' sugar and
maybe a little butter and vanilla,
but that which is frosting is something more substantial.

You would drizzle icing on a Cinnabon, wouldn't you?
- rather than spread it with frosting?
Frosting is too refined for fast food.

And Cinnastix?

There can't be much cream cheese content in the icing,
especially now that they've extended their marketing genius
to giving you an alternate
(or in exceptional circumstances, and in my friend's case)
additional opportunity for dipping your stick.

See! lots of fine opportunity for perversity of all sorts
just reading a blog about a mall with a dough-and-icing outlet.

They have something like Cinnabon in IKEA, which I have been to more times than Manhattan Mall, even though it's in New Jersey, which overall has a lonely mall-like sense to me even though you take a bus from Port Authority through an industrial wasteland to get there.

You get lost in IKEA and can't get out without going all the way downstairs through what they term the Marketplace which distinguishes it from what's called the Showplace which is where the furniture is. Not a nice thing for someone who smokes to have to deal with going downstairs through a marketplace to get out and then have to follow the arrows back through the maze of weirdly Norwegian-named wood filler furniture-held-together-with-ingenious-screws showplace to find your friend.

I suppose there are some people now living in Barbados who made fortunes off maze-like mall designs to keep people physically as well as psychologically trapped in those structures. It's actually the most perverse thing about those shopping experiences, and that they add foodstuffs to the mix makes it all the more insidious.

I wrote her later after reading her blog,

"I take it you didn't go to the mall specifically for a dough and icing distraction - or did you? It's okay if you did. You got a good story out of it. What did you do with the leftover? Is there icing on your keyboard?"

I got chocolate from a Dunkin' Donuts Boston Cream on the keypad of my Blackberry yesterday, between the letters N (which doubles as a comma) and M (which doubles as a period). I was disgusted with myself, but since the glaze (there's another form distinct from frosting or icing because it becomes hardened and shiny, and in my case brittle) kind of fell off the donut in a little hunk, I refrained, or was spared from any licking off of letters at least.

I didn't even set the device or my donut down, much less take the time to wipe my hands with a napkin emboldened with double D's (one D forward and the other D in reverse as if they are back to back fat-bellied friends) - oh, the genius of all aspects of branding!

The glaze (I guess) didn't stick - it kind of unthinkingly dropped off the donut (I am now personifying magically-marketed foodstuffs) and on to my device (which I have been saying to people is my new BFF Blackberry). I completed my chew and then blew between the N and M, but had to do so several times because the keypad is tight!

That period and comma are Best Friends Forever too! America runs on Dunkin'.

What's the cream-cheesy tagline for Cinnabon?

That is probably what prompted her mall run, although I bet it was a psychological embedding that she has no consciousness of.

I bet if they had hypnotists on the outskirts of malls, Cinnabon would be out of business,
because people are sadly hypnotized into those shopping with bad-for-you,

lucifer-conjuring- (really, don't blame him !)
not-taking-any-responsibility-for-
after-the-fact-using-of-the-notion-of-it
-being-satan-induced
food experiences.

Those of us (including you fellow Aquarian)
who are archetypal magical children

would be manning anti-marketing stands
saving the ozone from styrofoam overload,
and raking it in
because people would be giving us their dough

(we'd give a new nuance to the figurative phrase
'rolling in the dough'
by our guerrilla counteracting of the evil effects
of those who were once making money rolling it out!).

We would perform healthy hypnotics
in which people really know they were being led
into an altered as opposed to the semi-altered state
we are in when responding unwittingly to
marketing messages ingrained in our brains
that make us but for no reason why.

We would lead them into deep, but upwardly-spiraling exploratory evolutions
of their psychic realms as opposed to them getting a
downwardly-spiraling experience from
slightly-cinnamony-gooey-sugary overload
disguised into an inwardly-spiraling roll of baked dough.

We'd save them from risking their wrists from carpal tunnel,
dumping heavy (for the metacarpals) loads of half-eaten

(from latent guilt as well as salivary disgust -
much more having been spent on marketing and presentation -
to make those rolls look and smell good rather than making them
really worthwhile to finish)

sweet rolls and noodle bowls.

Yes, mall designers, IKEA planners, and Cinnabon branding specialists
are on the beach together in Barbados while I am here at 6:30 AM on a Sunday,
(still in bed at least)
fingering my BFF Blackberry,
honing my writing craft through a device connected to the
whirl'd wide web (another snare)
the N comma and M period working without fail.

I am about to Make a ruN on DuNkiN' like, because I aM AMericaN.

It's all set up perfectly -
the psychological walkway from my apartment door
to the door with a hot pink handle shaped like a big D
is pre-paved for me with psychic perversion.